Finding Joy in Everyday Things - or - What is it about pebbles?
What is it that I love so much about pebbles on the shore? Just rolling the words in my mind brings the waves lapping to my toes. Wet and shining, their salty hint of seaweed-slip is somehow incredibly reassuring.
Pebbles say simple things to me.
Things like,
“It’s okay, Amanda,” and
“You are doing just fine,” and
“Just breathe, that’s all you need to do.”
Pebbles remind me of days spent as a child, transfixed by the ocean and its gifts along the shore. They take me home to my Self. For me, they are an anchor, a trigger for feelings of ease and joy.
We all have these anchors. They are sensations loaded with emotion - for some, the sound of a dentist’s drill might be loaded with fear or dread, the smell of baking bread might evoke comfort or joy… We form them without knowing it. Intense emotion at the same time as a strong sensation, possibly repeated, will cause the connection to form.
The study of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) was my first encounter with the term, back in 2000 studying with Brandon Bays, but, like you, I’d formed countless anchors before then, many as a child; not all of them positive.
Why am I sharing this with you, Dear One?
Well, I wonder if you sometimes feel so triggered by daily stressors, that you find it hard to connect with your Self? Feel-good anchors can be hard to access in the midst of trauma and turmoil. I’ve certainly found this at times.
Until recently, I had underestimated the importance of environment in terms of thriving in life. Studies are stacking up to show that, no matter how hard we try to focus on the positive and take charge of our internal climate, the physical, emotional, social and psychological aspects of our environment hold huge sway over mood and general wellbeing.
This can be tough for those who feel like an alien in their environment. For some, this compounds their experience of Imposter Syndrome (more of this in later blogs, for sure). For others, it’s just a feeling of constant misfit - a prevailing non-belonging, a continuous, insidious sense of rejection.
If this sounds at all familiar to you, if you feel that sense of unease and homesickness, you might just find comfort in deliberately planting some simple anchors, small, everyday objects, to anchor reassurance and encouragement for you in your workplace and at home.
You could choose objects which already hold happy feelings or memories for you. But if you prefer to use something less precious, (perhaps you need to use things in your workplace which will not draw attention) you can create your own anchors.
Simply taking any object, holding it, looking at it intensely whilst connecting with a strong emotion - joy, love, relief for a few seconds, then relaxing, if repeated, will generate a neural connection for you.
You may find joy in threading a particular colour through your day. Wearing that colour, using a bag, a mug, a paperweight, a coaster to bring it to you often can make a real difference.
Perhaps you have already done this? Wonderful.
Fancy upgrading your anchors? Excellent. Are you ready to play?
Here’s a suggestion for you…
What if you could use your imagination to animate each anchor, each item or colour, giving it a vivid personality - something that reflects your highest, happiest, most confident Self?
To connect with that version of you, imagine a moment of laughter. Ideally a moment when you laughed, but you can use someone else’s laughter as a way in. I know sometimes it can be hard to reach for a really good feeling moment when life has been hard for some time (it can feel like forever, I know.)
You could choose a favourite actor or comedian and pick a moment of mirth. See and hear your Self or that person in that moment. Relaxed, playful, confident, carefree, joyous, connected, and utterly in love with life.
Imagine bestowing those qualities on these inanimate objects around you. You can get as creative as you like. Jingles or catchphrases work well. Mirrors that say ‘Hi Gorgeous!’ and a kettle that sings, ‘Good morning, good morning…’ adds a friendly something to daily routines. My bathtub makes me smile as I hear Tom Hanks’ hysterical belly laugh in ‘The Money Pit’.
You can give objects titles to add sparkle. Edward Monkton’s work is a delight here - with his ‘Sheep of Destiny’ and his ‘Teapot of Life’…
You will soon find yourself donning the Socks of Good Fortune, drinking from the Mug of Merriment (mine tells terrible jokes!) and maybe even popping a Pebble of Wisdom into your pocket, to turn in your fingers during a tricky conversation at work.
What if you could imagine these anchors now, speaking, singing, even shouting a playful, carefree, joy-filled message to you as you connect with them by sight, sound, smell, taste or touch? You’re making it up, so you might as well make it good!
What words would you like to be hearing as you move about your day? Play with forming a relationship with these objects you’ve placed around you. Talk to them. Imagine them talking back.
I know this all sounds a wee bit ‘out there’, but honestly, it can lead to enormous amounts of fun. It certainly takes talking to yourself to a whole new level!
Try it, if it appeals, and let me know how you get on!
Sending every encouragement to you, with love,
Amanda