…The misery of lack…

Alexis de Tocqueville’s observation in 1831, traveling the “new world” of America:

“I have seen the freest and best educated of men in the happiest circumstances the world can afford; yet it seemed that a cloud hung on their brow and they appeared serious and almost sad […] because they never stopped thinking of the good things they have not yet got.”

I don’t know about you, but I have spent a lifetime being tortured by seemingly out-of-reach desires. So much so that I couldn’t enjoy any of the things I already had. I have lived a rich and beautiful life: snorkelling, diving, martial arts, writing, teaching, learning, theatre, singing, dance and more, all bathed in the deep abiding love of my husband and my friends.

The fact is, there is no worse feeling than the despair of not being able to be, do or have what we want. It may sound like spoiled toddler thinking, but it runs through every moment of human existence. We have desires. Unless we reach Nirvana — ‘extinguishing’ the suffering cycle, we are faced with the reality of restless energy ever seeking more.

Addictive and double-edged; when we believe we can fulfil desires, we feel wonderful. Exaltation. Jubilation. Life is exciting. A thrilling ride. But the buzz of achieving one dream can become an endless chase for more, bigger, better… These desires, run rampant, can rot a life of luxury as well we all know.

When desires feel like needs, when we feel unsafe because of our perceived lack, it‘s torture.